Juggling fatherhood and football

It will come, some day, when Jeremy will hopefully understand everything. How the young man still in his 30s was once built like him, a human cinderblock that smashes through defenses and blows up offensive lines.

Kavonne Nottingham and son Jeremy

Courtesy photo

Jeremy will hopefully know by then about the many times the man sitting there in the stands on rainy Friday nights once held him with one of his meaty hands while doing homework with the other. Or the countless times, when he was crying at two in the morning, a teenager who was barely a man himself at the time dragged tired feet to a crib next to his bed, picked up his baby boy and rocked him to sleep while half-awake.

One day Jeremy will understand everything. One day he’ll realize how thankful he should be to have a father like that. One day he’ll look up and say to him, "I want to be just like you."

For now, Kavonne Nottingham is one of best all-around junior football players in Southeastern Pennsylvania. The 5-foot-10, 215-pound Penn Wood High School middle linebacker and fullback also is in the molding process of shaping a young life while juggling school, football practice and weekend games.

His biggest responsibility of all, of course, is his 1-year old son Jeremy, the center of his life.

Nottingham gets help, but asks for none. When Jeremy is crying or needs his diaper changed, it’s Kavonne who does it. He fixes the warm milk for his bottle, and walks around with a diaper bag in case of emergencies. Jeremy’s crib is in his father’s room, his high chair is tucked in a corner of the dining room and his playpen is in the living room of Nottingham’s Yeadon, Pa. home that he shares with his own mother Sophia.

Nottingham thinks about his situation every day. Then he sees Jeremy, Kavonne’s mini-me, with curly jet-black hair and large-for-his-age frame, and all the fatigue, lost social life and gigantic responsibilities that come with raising a child wither away.

It's just a father committed to his son. His mother (who attends night school) watches Jeremy during the day when Kavonne is not available, and he spends time with his father in the evenings when Kavonne picks him up after practice. He'll return his son that same night — and the process begins anew the next day.

"I ask myself every day if I would change anything," said Kavonne, 17, who has shared custody with Jeremy’s mother. "The mistake was having unprotected sex, and having sex at such an early age, but having Jeremy was not a mistake. I can’t change what happened. Jeremy is here for a reason. I see couples in my school with babies; some teenagers think it’s glamorous to have babies at such a young age. But reality hits you fast. Try waking up at three in the morning to a screaming baby who’s hungry. That’s not glamorous when you have to get up in two or three hours.

"But I’m not here to judge or to be judged. Some people can handle my situation, some people can’t. I know grown men who don’t have their kids. I can’t see that. It gives African-American men a bad name. My son is the best thing that’s happened to my life. He’s the center of my life. I have plenty of guys on my team who never even met or knew their fathers. That won’t be me. I won’t be a statistic. I know, believe I know what it’s like."

There is no empirical statistic on teenaged fathers raising a child. But according to the U.S Department of Health and Human Services Administration for Children and Families Office of Family Assistance, "children suffer the greatest consequences when they have a teenage father. Men who become fathers in adolescence tend to have less contact and overall involvement with their children than do men who wait to become fathers until later in life."

Kavonne vows to buck the trend because his own father wasn't involved much. He may have visited for two months, when Kavonne was two, but that was it, according to Kavonne. He has no contact with his biological father. The only semblance of a father figure he ever had was his older brother, 21-year old Kassiem, along with the unfettered support of his mother, Sophia Milligan, and older sister, Kimyana Phillips.

Being a teenaged father has changed Kavonne's perspective about football. Where once he may have toyed with the idea about playing college football — now it's a must. He finds himself thinking for two — instead of just one. Every time he sees a baby in public, he sees Jeremy.

"I want to use academics to get into college," said Kavonne, who carries a 3.4 grade point average. "If football is there, I'll use it, too. But having Jeremy has certainly made football more important. Throughout my week, it's tiring, between school, football, checking up on Jeremy, and just life in general. It's very tiring. I pick up my mom from school and work. Sometimes I have to cook and clean, but whatever has to be done, I have to do it.

"I get to the weekends, I get Jeremy and all I want to do is sleep, but once I see him, it all goes away. I'm not tired anymore after games. I stay in and I'm with him. He gives me the inspiration to go through the weekend, to go and do anything."

The twist is that Kavonne is fortunate to have survived the first year of his own life. He was born two months premature, at 5 pounds, and battled lung and heart-rate trouble for a year before he was finally released from the hospital. He spent so much time on a crib mattress, he had a difficult time walking on hard surfaces. There were a few times Sophia thought she was going to lose her youngest.

"Kavonne is pretty remarkable, when you consider everything that he does and everything in his life," Penn Wood coach Sam Mormando said. "We didn’t know about Kavonne’s situation sometime last year, and the only reason why we found out is because he had to miss a workout in the spring so he could get his son. He has to watch his son, and even this year, he’d come to us in the middle of the day because he has to pick up his son in day care."

Kavonne did something different this season — he brought his son to practice with him, and they'd both watch Kavonne's Penn Wood teammates from the stands.

"I had no misgivings, and I know our kids have going on their lives," Mormando said. "There are some kids who live with their grandparents, or with relatives, and we’re used to dealing with issues off the field and we make exceptions when it comes to important priorities off the field. Kavonne does everything. He’s never late to school, never misses practice, has good grades, plus he has a son at home. He can handle it."

It's apparent.

Nottingham leads the Pats in almost every defensive category, and every offensive category, rushing for 18 touchdowns, among the top scorers in Southeastern Pennsylvania, in rushing (690 yards), is averaging 4.6 yards a carry — and don't forget, this is coming from a fullback.

Sophia watches from a distance as her baby rocks his baby to sleep, and when Kavonne can't watch Jeremy, like during Friday night and Saturday morning games, Sophia takes her grandson.

"But make no mistake, Kavonne has been a father; and I say father, because he nurtures Jeremy, provides for him, he's there, he's raising his son," Sophia said. "Whatever Jeremy needs, he's on top of all of it."

Penn Wood was decimated by injuries this year and its quest to win its first Del Val League title since 1994 fell short. As the starting middle linebacker and one of the team's leaders, Kavonne is on a mission to make it happen next year, not just for him and his teammates, but for a special little person who's watching his father play for the first time this season.

"I am where I am for a reason, a definite reason, and one look at Jeremy and I see me," Kavonne said.

A part of Kavonne that he wants to be better, better in school, better at football, better in life. As Kavonne looks at Jeremy's picture, he says, "I want to give him what I never had — a father. And football is helping me get to where I need to be. I want to be in the stands one day and be able to watch him play, like he watches me. He doesn't understand what daddy is doing, but he knows I'm there. I'll always be there."

Penn Wood is playing Thanksgiving Day, with a chance to win its eighth game this season — the first time since 2000.

Depending on the weather, Kavonne is expecting Jeremy to be there up in the stands on Thanksgiving Day, bundled in his little coat and blankets. And when the game is over, he'll see dad — and stick out his little arms. The hurt, the soreness, the pain that Kavonne feels during the game will suddenly go away. It always does when he has his son in his arms.