By Dave Sargent
MaxPreps.com
Profiled Guest:
Mr. Joe Ehrmann, President of "Building Men for Others"
* 13-Year NFL Defensive Tackle (1972-85)
* 1978 Winner - Ed Block Courage Award
* Ordained Minister and Activist for Others
* Subject of "Seasons of Life" by Jeffrey Marx
"Only a life lived for others is worthwhile." --- Albert Einstein
"Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have." --- Margaret Mead
Joe Ehrmann is a man of action on a mission to change the world. He perceives a problem of crisis proportions and is addressing it through sports and social action. After reading "Seasons of Life" by Jeffrey Marx, which details Ehrmann's life and personal beliefs, I am listening to his keynote speech at the Character Combine in Sacramento, Calif.
Ehrmann is addressing a gathering of coaches, captains, and influential high school athletes. He believes fervently that his message, if understood and implemented, will create lasting positive change. Joe Ehrmann is about achieving big goals - one coach and one dad at a time.
What is this problem of crisis proportions that, if solved, will change the world? It is the message Ehrmann terms "false masculinity" that bombards our youth. From a young age kids learn the wrong lessons about what it is to be a man. Because so much emphasis in our society is placed on comparing oneself to others, and because the measures used to make that comparison are incorrect, young men come to false conclusions about the meaning of manhood. Over time they conclude that masculinity is about athletic ability, sexual conquest, and (as adults) economic success.
What should be taught as the measures of successful manhood or womanhood? Ehrmann offers two basic concepts as he talks softly with the assembled coaches and athletes this Saturday morning.
"It's about relationships and a cause" Ehrmann said.
He defines relationships as the capacity to love and be loved. He urges the audience to consider the question "What kind of person am I - as a father, a son, a brother, a husband?" Loving relationships are to be taught and nurtured. Athletics and properly-focused coaches play a significant role in broadcasting a message about relationships and Ehrmann intends to insure that the message is a healthy one that builds "men for others".
Ehrmann explains that the second basic concept defining manhood or womanhood is having a cause. A person needs to know that they made a difference during their lifetime. In "Seasons of Life" he is able to further define the meaning of cause as related to personal growth.
"I guess it's a reason or purpose to live.it gives meaning to your life. And it ought to define your day-to-day existence," Ehrmann relayed to Marx. "Without a cause, a person would be aimless and would not know if they had made a positive difference in someone else's life or for another group."
Ehrmann is speaking to coaches because he believes that "sports are a tool to teach moral and ethical values." However, as currently constituted, the institutions created to serve youth more often serve only the needs of the adults involved.
"How can sports build character in a `WAAC' (Win at all costs) culture?" Ehrmann asks.
His strong message is that coaches must build self-esteem, not based on performance, but based on contribution to the community of the team. To do so means coaches must affirm and empower the players under their care and influence. They must check their egos at the door and always realize that it is not about them. Their players must be encouraged to express the emotions they are feeling. The message is clear - the path we are currently on in youth athletics is a disastrous one. If allowed to continue, it will build generation after generation of self-centered adults. Each individual involved with youth athletics must change the message to change the future.
The Background Years
Joe Ehrmann grew up in a sports culture starring in football and lacrosse in high school in Buffalo, N.Y. Asked about life lessons that may have been learned in high school, he vividly recalls that his football coach suspended him for a violation of team rules for the most important game of the year in the midst of a long winning streak.
"I learned that no one is bigger than the team even if you are a `star'. The well being of a team is in its sense of community," Ehrmann said.
Ehrmann entered Syracuse University and continued his lacrosse and football careers. He credits Roy Simmons, his lacrosse coach at Syracuse, for beginning to open his eyes about the power of sports to teach lessons.
"He taught us that we could get outside of the athletic `box' and still perform at the highest level" the 13-year NFL veteran said, emphasizing that during his high school and college years, athletics were seen as an important measure of a "man".
For Simmons, self-esteem was not based on the performance of his players. Ehrmann continues to broadcast that message today.
As a player in the National Football League in the 1970's and early 1980's, it would be expected that players were the epitome of manhood - strong, tough, fearless and focused on defeating every opponent. Yet, Ehrmann singles out George Allen as the professional coach who influenced him the most. He describes Allen as the most affirming coach he ever had, valuing the players as human beings with a life off the field. He cared deeply about each player and modeled an enormous capacity to give to others.
In "Seasons of Life", Marx describes other life-altering events that directed Ehrmann's personal growth and the development of his unique philosophy. Those include the death of his younger brother, a victim of cancer, his return to school to study for the ministry, his tireless efforts seeking justice and self-worth for the less fortunate, and his direct application of his beliefs as a high school football coach. I recommend reading the book to understand his philosophies about purpose and potential value of youth athletics.
A Message to Be Heeded
One cannot come away from a conversation with Joe Ehrmann without being inspired. The same can be said of his presentations to coaches. Joe passionately relayed that, "Sports are for kids, not adults," and that the best coaches are the "Wizard of Oz". Curious, I asked what he meant.
"The Wizard of Oz provides missing pieces and knows what is needed by those who come to him," Ehrmann said.
Among the most important understandings a coach must teach is the importance of empathy as a personal quality. Empathy for self and others must be nurtured every day in practice and must be at the forefront of all communications with a team. Taking into account the feelings of other players or teams is essential to insure the correct message is being related to kids.
Too often, the trust given to coaches by their players is mismanaged and an opportunity to teach is squandered. If you are not in athletics as a coach to develop personal qualities such as empathy, compassion, competence, reflection and self-worth, consider an immediate change in course or immediate retirement. Learn about Ehrmann's organization, "Building Men for Others", at www.buildingmen.org.
Consider your service as a coach a higher cause in the sense that Ehrmann speaks of causes for men and women. Consider the following mantra that is recited at the beginning of every football practice at Ehrmann's school, Gilman in Baltimore, Md.:
Coach: "What is our job?"
Team: "To love us."
Coach: "What is your job?"
Team: "To love each other."
Would your players agree with this definition? Do you and they live it each day?
From the point of view of this columnist: "There is never a wrong time to start doing the right thing."
Dave Sargent: dave@maxpreps.com
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