Often a mental block develops because of a poor relationship between a coach and an athlete or team. Coaches must learn to handle athletes with different temperaments in different ways. A hard-line, aggressive approach may work well with one athlete and not with another. Some athletes need support and positive feedback rather than criticism and negative feedback. Often this negative approach fails, and some coaches are not willing to be “softer” with certain players. But athletes have control over how they handle what the coach is giving out.
For example, a high school player was constantly upset because the coach was “riding” him. After a number of relaxation sessions, along with guided visualizations of himself playing well—which included hearing the coach’s jibes and seeing the comments roll off him—he started to play better. Learning that he, the athlete, had control over how he took the coach’s comments gave him some freedom, and he learned to ignore the negativity of the coach. Many coaches, while seeing themselves as realistic, subtly undermine their players’ confidence by making negative comments to the press. Simple statements such as, “I was surprised we won,” or “I’m not sure we’re ready… we’ll just go out and see what we’ll do,” are meant to be conservative and realistic. These statements are often seen as negative by the athletes, who may feel fit and ready to go. After such comments, the athletes begin to feel a lack of support and often question themselves and their confidence.
Athletes sometimes fool themselves into thinking they are better than they are and can’t accept it when a coach doesn’t let them play. These athletes become antagonistic toward the coach, blame him, and are generally disgruntled and unhappy. Once athletes accept the responsibility for playing or not playing, they tend to improve and be more satisfied with their position. Again, remember that you are in control of your feelings about the coach, the game, and other athletes. Feelings of antagonism and anger directed at the coach or another athlete may sometimes help motivate you, but usually these feelings interfere with peak performance and are counterproductive.
Speaking of coaches, choosing a coach or a club is important, and you should explore all the possibilities in your area. The personalities of coaches and athletes are sometimes compatible and sometimes not. Even if a coach has coached many world-class successful athletes, sometimes the fit isn’t right. Here are some guidelines to think about when selecting a coach, a team, or a club.
§ Choose carefully by getting expert opinions about a club or coach. Ask for references. Talk to other athletes who are being coached by the person. Ask for a list of a few athletes who are no longer being coached by the person or no longer belong to the club. Find out why these athletes changed coaches and what they think about the coaching they received. Relying on the coach’s integrity is essential. It is also your right to get good information about the coach and the program from other athletes. § The creation of good communication and trust between coaches and athletes is essential. Athletes must be able to trust their coaches and believe what their coaches tell them. Quietly collect as much information about the coach as you can, getting as much objective information as possible. § Instill in yourself a feeling of self-trust. Know what is comfortable, uncomfortable, and right for you on all levels—physically, mentally, and emotionally. § Any coach who uses corporal punishment or verbally abuses athletes should be avoided. § Above all, trust your own intuition, and if you are not enjoying the coaching, the workouts, or the group, then look for someone else who is more compatible with your needs and personality.
Other problems in competition often stem from peer pressure or pressure from parents. Not playing, not succeeding, and “riding the bench” all tend to undermine confidence and create fear about performing at all. If you can concentrate on watching other players and turning the experience of bench sitting into learning, it will be to your benefit. This will keep you from psyching yourself out and putting yourself down. If you see yourself as a loser, you will create this atmosphere around you. If you are “unattached” to playing or not playing, you will feel better about yourself and won’t be riding a roller coaster of emotions. Make a game out of watching the best players in great detail—their form, how they breathe, their temperament—all the nuances you can see, hear, or feel about their performance. Let those who are pressuring you know that you are learning from the best and that it is important to you. It is part of your training. Imitate what you like about those players’ style and learn something new. In this case, it benefits you to be outwardly focused. You can learn a lot from others while waiting for your turn to compete.
Supporting your team or fellow athletes with enthusiasm helps you stay “up.” Many times, being supportive is as important as participating. Let go of your ego, focus on the moment, and support others as well as yourself, regardless of what your peers or parents expect of you.
* To reprint this excerpt with permission from Human Kinetics Publishers, Inc., please contact the publicity department at 1-800-747-4457 or publicity@hkusa.com.
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